Blood Awakening Read online

  That smug look again, like he knew something he wasn’t telling us—which worried me. “We need to go,” I said to Chance, whose eyes were glued to Sebastian.

  “Don’t screw us over,” Chance said. “Or she won’t be able to stop me next time. I will kill you.” He turned and followed me through the woods, though I knew he didn’t really want to leave. I let him go first, and as I lagged behind, I couldn’t help glancing back over my shoulder.

  Sebastian was grinning.

  IN MOTION

  Are you okay?” I asked Chance as we stepped into the safety zone of Kayla’s front porch.

  “Hell no, I’m not okay,” he snapped. “You just invited the devil in, Ava. You don’t think that was a bad idea?” He leaned against the porch and turned to face me. I could see the anguish, the questions, on his face; all the trust he had in me was gone.

  “I don’t think it was my best idea, no. But I think it was the only thing I could do.” Chance rolled his eyes. “I told you, I don’t trust Sebastian. Who knows what he would try to pull on us? I know he would try to find some way to turn our trip to Boston into a disaster. Having him there makes it easier to keep tabs on him.”

  “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

  “Yeah, I do. Why don’t you?”

  He turned and stared out over the expansive front lawn of the property. Large oaks bowed to the strong winds, their leaves breaking free and spiraling to the cold ground below. “Because he’s evil, Ava. Pure evil. He kills people…for fun. Why would he help us?”

  What he said made total sense. And had I not been so desperate to be right and prove my point, I would’ve noticed that. “Because there’s something he wants from me. Or needs. And he’ll do anything to get it.”

  “I wouldn’t put all my faith in that if I were you. That’ll get you killed.”

  “Think about it, Chance. That night in the clearing, he easily could’ve killed me.” He cut his eyes at me, flickers of concern lacing through the jade. “He could have, when I was…” I couldn’t finish the thought, the memory too painful.

  “When you were helping me.”

  “You remember that night?” I envied him, those memories. I longed to remember my past just as much—maybe more.

  Chance stared at the open yard behind my shoulder, focusing on something—anything—other than me. “Some of it has come back. It’s like a movie I’m trying to remember watching. I know you were with me, just before.”

  “I was.” My heart cracked open again, flooding my senses with the pain of that night. I forced the tears from my eyes and tried to remember why I did what I did. “I couldn’t have been anywhere else.”

  “I know.” His eyes drew me in, filled with my short past, ready to wrap me in their warmth.

  “He could have killed me then, Chance. But he didn’t. He let me live.”

  “How does that prove anything?”

  “I was responsible for killing half his coven. Wouldn’t you want me dead?” He just stared at me, silent. “I even told him to do it.” The horrible memories of that night, the memories I would have given anything to forget, filled my mind. “I told him that he had won, that he should just kill me and get it over with. He said ‘not yet,’ then took off. And he said the same thing now. That has to mean something.”

  Chance took a slow, deep breath, pushing it out through his flared nostrils. Before, when he did that, I was overcome with the sweet, enticing scent of his blood. Now, nothing. It was depressing. “Okay,” he finally said. “Let’s say you’re right. That Sebastian wants something from you. What?”

  “I have no clue.” I tried to ignore my longing for the smell of his blood, for the calming sound of his beating heart. “But he does. And whatever it is, it’s big enough to let me live, at least for now. So until he gets whatever that is, I can use him.”

  “Don’t think for a second that he’s gonna let you walk all over him, Ava. Want something or not, he will kill you if you push him too far.”

  “I won’t walk all over him,” I said, staving off a chill. “I just want to keep him preoccupied so he won’t have time to screw us over.”

  “Believe me, Sebastian is always a step ahead of us. Probably more than a step. I guarantee you he’s looking forward to this trip to Boston. He has something planned, I can feel it.”

  “Well if he does, then wouldn’t having him there with us be better? So we’ll know if he’s up to something, instead of being blindsided once whatever it is happens?” I felt like I was reaching for an explanation, anything to convince him—and myself—that this all made sense.

  “It’s already done, so I’ll support you.” I gave him a quick smile, but he didn’t return the favor. “Just know that you can’t trust him, Ava. No matter what he tells you, don’t trust him.”

  “I won’t.” I suddenly felt uncomfortable, and I hated it. Chance and I never had awkward tension between us before, but now we were two magnets whose like poles were facing; we couldn’t come together no matter what.

  Chance surprisingly broke through the tension. “I won’t go if you don’t want me to.” His words were soft in my ears, tender and sincere and so much like the old Chance it hurt.

  “What? Why would you say that?”

  “Well, you don’t really need me. Not with him there.” I couldn’t be sure which him he meant: Erik? Sebastian? Oh, I prayed it was the latter.

  “I want you there, Chance.” I so badly wanted to say “I want you,” but I bit my tongue, forcing the words into hiding. He hadn’t been very forthcoming with his feelings lately; the last thing I wanted to do was drive him away. “And you have to be there in case this whole compulsion thing blows up in our faces.”

  “Nothing’s gonna happen,” he said, walking around the side of the large, wraparound porch. I silently fell in beside him, the two of us close but still not touching. “And even if it did, Sebastian can handle it. He’s stronger than me.”

  “I told you, I just want him there to keep an eye on him. The last thing I want is him compelling anybody. For all I know, he’d have all of us step in front of a bus or train or something.”

  “Wouldn’t put it past him.”

  “I need you there in case someone gets hurt.”

  Chance stopped walking and faced me. “What good will my being there do?”

  I took a deep breath, not even wanting to think of the bad things that could go wrong. “Well, if someone was hurt, you could heal them.”

  Tiny lines of confusion creased his forehead. “I didn’t tell you?” he said.

  “Tell me what?” Great. I had just been hoping for more crappy news.

  “I can’t do that anymore.”

  “You can’t do what?” Chance just stared at me. “You mean…heal?” He didn’t confirm nor deny it. He didn’t have to. “Why not? What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I guess being a vampire took it away. I just know it doesn’t work anymore.”

  “Have you tried to do it?”

  “Uh, yeah. How do you think I know I can’t?”

  “Oh. Yeah.” Moron, party of one?

  “I don’t understand it,” he went on. “When I was ten years old, I almost died from the flu. And I could do it then, just not as easily. Now, though…” His voice trailed off. I had to force the filter in my brain to turn on so I wouldn’t blurt out what I was thinking: that he couldn’t now because he actually was dead.

  “Hey,” I said instead, “don’t do that, Chance. Don’t blame yourself. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not okay. That’s who I am, Ava. I help people. I heal them. Or, I did.” His words carried the weight of the world on them, heavy and depressing. I couldn’t stand the pain he was in—all because of me and what I had let happen. I just wanted to take it all away, to make him human again. I would have given anything.

  “You
heal people, Chance.” I hesitated before gently taking his hand, and he didn’t pull away. Progress. “But that’s not who you are. You’re so much more than that.”

  “Like what, Ava? A monster? How’s that better? How’s that more?” He pulled his hand from mine, his eyes searching my face for answers I didn’t have.

  “I thought you’d accepted what happened to you? That you wanted me to…be with you, like this?”

  “I do,” he finally said, a deep breath forcing out his words. “I do want us to be together, Ava. More than anything. I love you.” A slight pause, then, “But I want to be human again. I want to be me again.” He stared into my soul, my very being. “I want to be the guy you fell for.”

  Unstoppable tears streamed down my face. “Chance,” I said, “you are that guy.” Without even thinking, I pulled him into a hug. I was terrified he would push me away, tear me from his waist and ask me never to touch him again. But he didn’t. Instead, he did what I had been longing for since he came back: He slid his comforting, safe arms around my waist and held me. He held me just as he did the first time we hugged, when things felt so horribly bad, but looking back now were so much better. I kept my arms locked in place around him, never wanting him to let me go.

  “You are kind, and strong, and you put other people in front of yourself, Chance,” I said into the soft fabric of his shirt. The firm muscles of his chest flexed beneath my cheek, reminding me of the first time I felt them, and I fought to keep from crying, the memories of our old life scorching my mind. “You stood up for me when you didn’t have to. You helped me when you didn’t have to. Now it’s time for me to return the favor.”

  After a few seconds, he slowly pulled away, his large hands sliding down my arms as I stepped back. “Help me?” he asked. “How?”

  “We’re gonna figure out how to get your abilities back.”

  He dropped my hands. “It’s not like somebody took them from me, you know. They’re gone. That’s it.”

  “No it’s not.” I crossed the porch and stared at the swaying trees, their large branches bending against the wind, my rising frustration at my unwanted life culminating in blurry vision. “It can’t be.”

  “Why are you getting mad?”

  My face burned red with the anger lurking just beneath my skin. “I’m not,” I lied. “I just don’t like you giving up so easily.”

  “I’m not giving up, Ava. I’ve tried and can’t do it. No use fighting it.”

  “Why won’t you just let me help you?”

  “I don’t need your help anymore.” His words cut me. Deep. “I can handle this myself.”

  “Don’t say that,” I said, praying more tears wouldn’t reveal themselves. “Please, don’t say you don’t need me.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Might as well get used to going through this life or whatever it is on my own,” he said, the tiny muscles of his jawline flexing beneath cold, dead skin.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked in shock.

  “Well, once you become human again, the last thing you’re gonna want is to be around me. You practically said so when I asked you to be with me.”

  “I did not!” I had zero intentions of yelling at him, but my vamp side was tickling my skin, itching to be set loose, so my emotions were super heightened. I took a deep breath to calm down. “I never said I didn’t want to be with you, Chance.”

  “Yeah, well, you never said you wanted to, either.”

  He had me there.

  “I…I can’t answer that yet. I’m sorry.”

  It felt like a lifetime before he spoke again. “I know,” he finally said, his voice as broken as my heart. Another long pause, then, “I gotta go, okay? Couple of things I need to do before we head to Boston.” He stared at me a moment—almost as if he wanted to say more, or reach out and touch me again—before turning and walking through the front door of Kayla’s house as though we had never talked, had never even seen one another. As hard as I was trying not to, I was slowly losing him.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Kayla asked, practically dragging me into the quiet of the empty kitchen. “Sebastian? You actually invited him?”

  “Yes, I actually invited him,” I answered, my fingers playing with the fringed placemat on the kitchen counter.

  “I can’t believe you did this, Ava. Seriously. This is like…the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.” She crossed the room to the fridge and fished out two Diet Cokes, placing one in front of me and popping the top on the other. I just stared at the can, tiny beads of condensation forming on the rim. “That man nearly killed all of us. And you decide we should all be friends?”

  “No, it’s not like that.” I stretched my aching fingers. “Have you been talking to Chance?”

  “Why, does he think your idea blows, too?” She gulped the soda like it was to be her last.

  “It doesn’t blow,” I finally said, releasing the pent-up air in my lungs. “If you two would just chill out for a second, you’d see that.”

  “I could chill out forever and I’d never get it, Ava. Sebastian killed Chance’s mom. He killed Lila. He almost killed us. Am I missing anything?”

  “He’s bad, I get it.”

  “Hello, understatement of the year.”

  “Don’t you think that if something goes wrong, he’ll come in handy?”

  She cut her eyes over at me. “No. I don’t.”

  “Well, I do. That’s why I told him to help us.”

  “Told him? He’s just gonna do what you told him to, huh? Just like that?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I knew that wasn’t true, not entirely. I think Chance had it right when he said Sebastian had ulterior motives for agreeing to help us. I just had no clue what those motives were.

  “I don’t buy it.”

  “Chance didn’t, either.”

  “That’s because he has a brain. And so do I. You’re the one I’m not too sure about right now.” She tossed her empty soda can into the trash and eyed mine; reluctantly, I opened it and took a sip, the ice-cold contents chilling my throat. “I think we should maybe swing by the hospital before we leave town,” she went on.

  “Why?”

  “Because you clearly need a CAT scan.”

  I rolled my eyes and gulped more soda. “Be serious, Kayla.”

  “I am being serious, Ava. This is gonna end badly. I just know it.” I finished off my soda (guess I was thirstier than I thought), trying my best not to dwell on her words. First Chance, now Kayla…did both of them think our trip to Boston was doomed?

  “You don’t know that,” I said, my voice scratchy from the carbonation. “You’re just being paranoid.”

  “A who-knows-how-old vampire who tried to kill everyone we know is gonna be hanging out with us for the weekend. Yeah, definitely just paranoid.” I sat in silence as she popped a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and fished ham and sandwich trimmings out of the fridge along with another Diet Coke. No matter the situation, this girl’s mind was always on food. “You’re the one not thinking straight, Ava.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because,” a quick pause to snag the toast, “have you even considered what could go wrong with Sebastian being there?” A quick dip in the mayo. “I mean, what are you gonna do if Chance goes all Avengers on him and tries to stake him or something?” She finished building her sandwich and sat down at the bar. “Or what if Erik does?”

  “That’s not gonna happen,” I said, alternating my gaze between the large French doors leading into the backyard and the food on her plate. Even though her sandwich looked really good, the thought of actually eating something turned my stomach. I was too wound up from the crazy day I’d had to even consider it.

  “Now who’s suddenly so sure about something?”

  “I am sure. Chance knows Sebastian is going alo
ng, and he’s come to terms with it.”

  “Or maybe he’s just pretending to until he can get Sebastian alone.”

  “He’s not stupid, Kayla. He wouldn’t try anything when he knows he’d never win.”

  “If someone killed your mom, what would you do?” She asked the question amid bites of sandwich, scarfing down her food like it was a last meal.

  “Probably nothing, since she abandoned me when I was little.” It was one of the few times I mentioned my mother out loud, and just the thought of her made me angry. I hated a woman I had never even met.

  “You know what I mean,” Kayla said, swallowing the last bite of sandwich and turning her can of soda up into the air as she gulped half of it down. “If you were Chance, and had an awesome mom like Mrs. Caldon was, what would you do if someone hurt or killed her? Especially if you were suddenly supernaturally strong and immortal?”

  Hello, point. “So you think Chance will try to kill Sebastian while we’re in Boston?”

  “I’m just saying you need to be careful, that’s all.” She got up from the bar and took her plate to the sink, downing the rest of her soda. “And you need to keep a close eye on Chance at all times.”

  “He can barely stand being in the same room with me, Kayla. How am I supposed to watch him?”

  “I don’t know, but you gotta figure it out before we leave. Because when he sees Sebastian again, you know what’s gonna happen.” And I knew she was right. Somehow, I knew. Chance had all but told me that he wouldn’t stop until Sebastian was dead for real. I was about ready to climb out of my skin because of the stress relentlessly piling on top of me when the doorbell chimed.

  “You expecting somebody?” I asked as Kayla tossed her second can into the trash and headed to the front of the house.

  “Nope,” she said, though not very convincingly. She opened the front door before I got to it, so I saw the bright pink box and flowers before Erik stepped into view. “Aww,” Kayla fake-swooned, “you shouldn’t have!” She clutched her chest and batted her eyes and I wanted to kick her in the shins.