Blood Awakening Page 13

  “I’m so sorry.” I fought hard against the tears trying to escape. I had cried so many tears already, I could spare no more.

  “Don’t be, Ava. Please don’t be.” He scooped my hands into his, his touch both chilling and warm at the same time. “I love you. I always will. And even though you say you can’t, I’m not giving up on you. On us.”

  “Chance—”

  “I’m sorry, Ava.” A quick pause, then, “I know you love me. I love you. None of this other stuff matters. Just that.” He brought my hand to his chest, placing it against the spot where his heart once lived. “It’s still there, you know,” he said. “You may not be able to hear it, but it’s still there.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I choked on the words.

  “It’s broken right now. But it won’t be forever. I know that. I believe in you. I have to believe you will come around one day. I love you too much not to.” He let go of my hands, and I missed his touch. “So I’ll wait for you.”

  With pain in his eyes, he turned and walked away from me, disappearing into the darkness behind the trees. His vampire scent faded as he drew further away, until I could no longer sense him. Only then did I let the pent-up tears fall from my eyes. I cried harder than I had before, my heart ripping in half. Chance’s words—his optimism—gave me hope that one day we could be together again.

  I only prayed that I would be ready if that time ever came.

  CLOSURE

  It’s about time!” Erik practically sprinted across the dewy lawn toward me once I broke through the trees behind Kayla’s house. He took my shoulders in his warm hands, sending my body into shivers. “You’re shaking, Ava. Are you okay?”

  “Not really,” I said, the words once again coming before my mind chose them. “It was Chance.”

  “We know,” Kayla said, standing dead still on the back porch. “He ran through here, apologized for causing a problem. Said he’d be back in an hour, for us to be ready to leave.”

  “Oh.” I prayed they couldn’t hear what was hidden behind that word.

  “He seemed pretty upset,” she went on. “What happened out there?”

  “Nothing,” I lied, brushing imaginary dirt from my jeans to avoid her probing eyes.

  “What did he want?” Erik asked, his hands still on my shoulders, and still making me shiver.

  “Nothing.” My brain was back on track, so I was able to keep from gushing about all Chance had said to me.

  He wants you to die for him.

  “Nothing,” Erik said dryly, dropping his hands from my shoulders. I walked zombie-like up the yard toward the porch, where Kayla was practically bouncing she was so anxious. “He stalks you, leads you out into the woods in the middle of the night, and sends you back like this,” Erik went on, “and I’m supposed to believe it was about nothing?”

  “What do you mean, ‘like this?’” I asked.

  “Like you just saw a ghost,” Kayla said, her words like ice on my skin.

  I had just seen a ghost. The ghost of the Chance I once knew.

  “I’m fine,” I lied again. “But Chance isn’t. He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  “What happened out there?” Though it was Kayla’s voice I heard, the words—and the hidden emotion behind them—fell from Erik’s eyes. He knew that I loved Chance. But he also knew that I felt something for him, as well.

  “I can’t get into it. Just trust me, you guys. I have to go find him.”

  “Then go.” Two simple words that cut like blades. I hadn’t realized Erik had been holding my hand until I felt his fingers leave mine.

  “Erik, please—”

  “No, Ava. I mean it. You’ve given that guy too many chances. He obviously doesn’t want anything to do with you, but you’re too blind to see it.” He climbed the steps up the porch, stopping just shy of going inside. I watched his body rise and fall with each deep breath he took before he continued telling me off. “I was stupid once, and it cost my sister her life. I won’t be stupid again. If you do this, if you go, I won’t be waiting when you’re done chasing after him.”

  I closed my eyes to ward off the tears. “I’m sorry, Erik. I am. But I have to do this. Don’t you see that?”

  “No, I don’t.” His words grew soft in the silence of the night, the thrumming of his heart competing for space in my ears. “I don’t understand why you think you have to save someone who doesn’t want saving. Can’t you see that, Ava?”

  Could I? Was I being blind to the fact that maybe Chance didn’t want his old life back, that maybe he was happy with how things were now? No, that wasn’t right. I had seen him, seen how upset he was over all that had happened to him. No way did he want this life, to be a monster. I had to believe that. “I owe it to him. To at least try.”

  “You don’t owe anybody anything. Not even me.”

  “I owe you more than I can ever repay, Erik.” And I did. He had risked his life for me. His sister died for me. He helped carry me the past month while I was completely broken. I owed him everything.

  “You owe yourself, Ava. That’s all.” He stepped off the porch and walked back over to me. I waited for him to lift my hand into his, or to touch my shoulders, my face. He did nothing. “You owe it to yourself to keep going, to save yourself, not him or anyone else. We can take care of ourselves. Do what needs to be done to get what you want.”

  “Are you telling me I should...kill him?” No way was he saying that to me. He couldn’t be. And yet, that’s what was running at top speed through my mind.

  “I’m not telling you what to do, Ava. I’m just saying that when it comes down to you or him, please choose yourself.” Finally, his hand briefly touched my cheek. “That’s what I’m doing now. I’m choosing myself.” His fingers wiped away tears I hadn’t realized had fallen, and then his touch was gone. I watched in shock as he climbed the steps to the porch and went inside, never looking back at me. Kayla stood silent on the porch, her face mirroring the horror I knew was on mine.

  Erik had just dumped me. Even though we were never an actual couple, it still felt like hell. I knew then that my feelings for him were very real, and that he was much more important to me than I had ever realized. I didn’t want him to leave me, not like this. And I didn’t want to leave him. But I had to. Because I didn’t want to leave Chance, either. Oh, was I in trouble.

  After giving Kayla a slew of hugs and reassurances—and getting a few in return—I cut through the woods in the direction she said Chance had gone, hoping to pick up his scent. My mind spun Erik’s words over and over as I ran through brambles and thick brush and more creepy, crawly insects than I wanted to imagine. Mile after mile I ran, and still, I hadn’t caught even a whiff of anything. Where did Chance go?

  Allow the scent of my blood to flood your mind. Let it swim around every crevice, every corner, until it consumes you.

  Aldric’s words came rushing back to me, drowning out Erik’s sort-of-breakup speech. That day in the clearing, at my very first lesson in becoming a vampire, Aldric had taught me how to track a scent. I hadn’t really needed the talent before, since vampires seemed to flock to me like ducks to water. But now, I was grateful. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, forcing out everything but the memory of Chance’s undead blood.

  Sounds of the night fell from my ears. Vapors of earthy pines, trampled dirt and wild animals left my nose. Darkness consumed my mind, leaving behind the faintest hint of him, of Chance. Keeping my eyes tightly closed and my mind focused, I let the scent guide me through the woods.

  I ran with super speed, the memory of that day with Aldric guiding me, along with the increasing stench of Chance’s vampire veins. I had no clue where I was, where I was going, but it didn’t matter; I knew I would find him. I crossed traffic-less roads and leapt through darkened backyards, bounded over privacy fences and swimming pools, my mind showing me all these things with
out the need for vision. This was the path Chance had taken, his scent lingering behind like a ghostly imprint. After running for an unknown distance and time, the smell was so intense, so overpowering, I knew I had found him.

  I stopped abruptly, my lungs filling with air, my body alive with adrenaline. I opened my eyes onto the back of a house, darkened but for one window upstairs.

  Chance’s house. Chance’s room.

  Slowly, I made my way across the lawn, stopping just short of opening the door. Gaudy yellow streamers emblazoned with “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS” barred the entrance, coiling around the exterior of the house like a neon snake, glowing in the moonlight and signaling to all that “This Is a House of Death.” Three strips of yellow lined the back door, undisturbed. He must have gone around front. I skirted the house, shredded remnants of police tape littering the front porch. I could see Chance’s pain in every torn piece. My heart ripped open again as I climbed the steps and went inside.

  The entire house was ransacked.

  It looked like a scene from one of Kayla’s thriller movies: Furniture overturned, pictures askew, papers and knick-knacks and everything else covering the floors. Knowing Chance walked into his house—his mom’s house—looking like this was infuriating. Why did the cops do this? Why didn’t they clean this up before he came home?

  I ignored the questions as I went upstairs, the light from Chance’s room spilling out beneath the closed door, casting haunting shadows across the hallway. Panic crawled over my skin once I reached the second-floor landing. Will he want to see me? Will he be mad, or upset? Am I crazy for coming here? My heart beat wildly in my chest as I slowly twisted the knob and opened the door.

  The room was virtually untouched. Chance had always been a neat freak, and even in the wake of the devastation he had suffered, that was one thing still true. There wasn’t a single thing out of place. Even the bed was still made, save for the crumpled linens beneath where he sat on the edge, his back to me. Dark, blotchy spots littered the walls around the windows and doorway.

  “They took fingerprints.” His voice was amplified in the silence of the abandoned house.

  “I didn’t mean to bother you.” I knew he had been crying—I could hear it in his words.

  “It’s okay. I felt you coming long before you got here.”

  “Felt me?” I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.

  “We’re connected, remember?” he said, not looking at me. I had all but forgotten about the connection we shared. Not just the human one—the one I had been missing the past month—but the vampire one, the one forged when he fed me his blood. I wondered how long it would last if we spent our lives apart; the thought was too painful to even imagine.

  “You waited for me?”

  “Yeah.” Maybe he was coming around. Maybe he was finally ready to let me back into his life. Hope rose within me. Chance lay back on his bed, crossing his arms over his chest and stretching his legs the length of the mattress. He looked like an old-movie vampire, which was very disturbing.

  “They shouldn’t have left it like this.” I fought to control the anger I suddenly felt toward the Wellesley police department. “They could’ve cleaned up.”

  “They don’t care about that kind of stuff.” His breath was short and fast, filled with rage.

  “I can do it for you.” I had followed him so I could make sure he was okay, that he would be okay. Now that I was here, I had no idea what to say.

  “Don’t bother. I’m not staying here.” He didn’t look at me, his eyes locked on the bare white ceiling above us.

  “Where will you go?” The thought of him leaving terrified me.

  “When we get back from Boston, I’ll stay at Aldric’s. He’s still gone, but even when he gets back, he said I’m welcome there.”

  I took only a couple of tiny steps forward, too scared to risk more. “I’m so sorry, Chance. For all of this.” I looked around the room as I spoke, the memories of that horrible night fresh in my mind, the guilt of not saving his mom eating away at me.

  “I know.” He sat up on the bed, leaning back on his arms a moment before swinging his legs to the floor and standing up. He looked massive in the tiny space, much larger and more dominant than I remembered. Maybe being a vampire caused him to grow? It sounded ridiculous, but anything was possible. “Everybody’s so sorry. I’m sick of hearing it.”

  I almost blurted it out again, but stopped myself. “We’re all just worried about you, that’s all. We just wanna know you’re okay.”

  “Don’t I look okay?” Did he really want me to answer that? Though he was a vampire now, his features even more striking and beautiful than before, he still looked beaten down and defeated. “I mean, I feel okay. Are you saying I don’t look it?”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Chance, I was just—”

  “—just what? Just concerned?” He glared across the room at me, the muscles of his face coiling beneath his porcelain skin. “Please don’t say that again, Ava. I can’t take hearing it anymore.”

  “I was gonna say…I was just thinking you look tired.”

  He laughed. “That’s funny, really. I don’t get tired anymore, remember? I don’t have to sleep, or eat, or even breathe. I don’t have to do anything but live forever with knowing that I let my mom die.” Darkness swept his face. “Like I said, I’m good.”

  “Why are you being such an ass?” I had tried nice; time to improvise.

  “What?” He was shocked at my sudden shift in attitude. Good.

  “You heard me.” I was having a sudden burst of foolish energy. I stepped farther into the room, closer to him. “You’re being a jerk. You’re hateful to everybody, always pissed off. Why?”

  “Are you seriously asking me this question right now?” His fingers curled into his hands, leaving taut fists behind.

  “Yes, I am. I am seriously asking you why you think it’s okay to treat everybody like dirt just because your life sucks right now?” I hadn’t realized it, but my hands were fists now, too. Oh crap, were we about to have a repeat of what happened at Kayla’s? Without Kayla here to stop us? The thought both scared and excited me.

  “Um, gee, Ava. Let me see. I’m a vampire, so there’s that. And my mom’s dead, there’s that.” He released one fist long enough to sarcastically tap a finger against his lips. “Oh yeah, and I lost you, let’s not forget about that. Wow. I guess I don’t have anything to be pissed off about, huh?”

  I bit back a string of obscene words that fought hard to be released. I wouldn’t give in to what he was doing. “I’ve already said you haven’t lost me, Chance. I’m here, aren’t I?” He smirked, which really got to me. “And yeah, you’re a vampire. And your mom is dead, and I’m really sorry about that. I’ll blame myself for that forever. But get over yourself, will you?”

  “Go to hell, Ava.” He stepped around the end of the bed and headed for the door behind me.

  No way was he leaving now. “Don’t even think about it.” I stepped in front of him and grabbed his arms. The sinewy muscles were like iron beneath my hands. “You’re staying put. And you’re gonna listen to what I have to say.”

  “Like hell I am.” He tried to struggle out of my grip, but I was too enraged to let him go. We didn’t fall into a full-on brawl like we had almost done at Kayla’s, but I knew he wanted to. Or, I felt like he did. But after a few seconds, he gave up, his entire body relaxing beneath my hands. The two of us stood there in silence, staring at each other, before his face twisted with raw emotion and he slumped to the floor in tears.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Chance.” I held him against me as deep sobs fell from him. He wrapped his arms around my back and cried. He cried for his mom. He cried for the life he no longer had. And, though I hated it, he cried for me.

  After several minutes, the sobbing gave way to silence, though he didn’t release his grip on me. I hugged him
even harder, wanting desperately to take his pain away. I deserved it more than he did, seeing as how I was the cause of everything that had happened over the past several months. Since I couldn’t make him forget, the least I could do was be there to help him walk through it.

  “It’ll be okay, Chance. I promise.” The words felt foreign to me, like someone else had said them. I don’t think I even believed that, so how could I expect him to? Would he be okay? Would any of us? I didn’t know. But in that moment, it didn’t matter.

  Chance didn’t respond, he simply held on to me. Slowly, his hands slid from my back to my face, cupping my cheeks. He lifted his head to mine, his eyes swirling with tears and pain and the monster he now was. For a second, I was afraid that he was going to kill me, make me pay for all I had done to him. But he didn’t. Instead, he did what I thought he never would do again.

  He kissed me.

  The feeling was electric. Chance’s lips, though cold and undead, were like fire against mine. He kissed with wild abandon, like it was the first time all over again. It was euphoric and terrifying and exhilarating all at once, and I never wanted it to end.

  With his hands still clutching my face, and his lips still fighting with mine, he lifted us from the floor. My mind was lost in the moment of our heated reunion, memories of our first kiss and all the time we had spent together blocking out everything else. I truly let myself go, the kiss the only thing that mattered. I locked my hands behind Chance’s neck as he lowered his to my back and pulled me into him, crushing me against his body, the two of us becoming one.

  “I love you,” he said after finally breaking our kiss. My lips were dying to feel his against them again, forever.

  “I love you, too.” And I did. I truly, completely did. I loved him more than anyone else. I loved him so much that I was blinded to the truth behind his words; I couldn’t see the “but” hidden at the end of them.

  “I can’t do this, Ava,” he said, slowly releasing his grip on me. My skin burned in the wake of his absence.